Half-Witch Read online

  Half-Witch

  a novel

  John Schoffstall

  This is a work of fiction. All characters and events portrayed in this book are either fictitious or used fictitiously.

  Half-Witch copyright © 2018 by John Schoffstall (johnschoffstall.com). All rights reserved.

  Cover illustration “Half-Witch” © 2018 by kAt Philbin (katphilbin.com). All rights reserved.

  Author photo © 2018 by Sam Interrante (saminterrante.com). All rights reserved.

  Big Mouth House

  150 Pleasant Street #306

  Easthampton, MA 01027

  [email protected]

  smallbeerpress.com

  weightlessbooks.com

  Distributed to the trade by Consortium.

  First Big Mouth House Printing

  July 2018

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Schoffstall, John, 1952- author.

  Title: Half-witch : a novel / John Schoffstall.

  Description: Easthampton, MA : Big Mouth House, [2018] | Summary:

  Fourteen-year-old Lizbet and witch girl Strix embark upon a perilous quest

  where the fates of Lizbet’s father and Heaven are at stake.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2017047748 (print) | LCCN 2018007742 (ebook) | ISBN

  9781618731418 | ISBN 9781618731401 (alk. paper)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Magic--Fiction. | Witches--Fiction. | Heaven--Fiction. |

  Fantasy.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.S33653 (ebook) | LCC PZ7.1.S33653 Hal 2018 (print)

  | DDC [Fic]--dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017047748

  Text set in Minion.

  Paper edition printed on 50# 30% PCR recycled Natures Natural paper in the USA.

  For Jayne

  Who held my head above water until we got to land

  Chapter 1

  My sword’s a rose,

  My pen’s my nose,

  My belt’s a snake,

  My comb’s a rake,

  My voice a bell,

  My heaven, hell,

  A crow my king,

  My kiss a sting,

  My day is night,

  My love is spite!

  —A rhyme of Strix

  When Lizbet Lenz was eight years old, she and her father, Gerhard, fled their home in Frucy-sur-St. Jacques.

  “Why do we have to leave?” Lizbet asked. “Why do they hate us?”

  Unforeseen accidents, Gerhard explained sadly. Misfortune. Mistrust.

  Clinging to the back of Gerhard’s horse, they rode for their lives. An angry mob chased them. Lizbet, riding behind Gerhard and gripping his coat in her fists, risked a glimpse backward. Among the crowd she saw Marguerite and Huguette. Marguerite and Huguette were Lizbet’s best friends in the world. She had shared everything with them. She had confided in them all the secrets that she could never, ever tell anyone else. They had all promised to be friends forever.

  Marguerite and Huguette ran in the mob beside their brothers and parents, shouting curses at Lizbet and Gerhard.

  Burning tears blurred Lizbet’s eyes. I hate friends, she thought. I hate them. I’ll never have a friend again. I promise.

  After Frucy, Lizbet and Gerhard settled in Souvilliers. Lizbet broke her promise, and made friends with a girl named Rosemonde. But after a few months she and Gerhard had to flee again. Lizbet’s heart broke in a different way: this time she was the betrayer, unable to say good-bye to Rosemonde, unable to make good on any of her promises to her.

  “Why do we have to go away again?” she cried to Gerhard. “Why?”

  Misunderstandings, Gerhard told her, sighing. Unreasonable expectations. Good intentions gone awry.

  And so they traveled to Yblitz, where they lived for more than a year. Until one night, when men in clanking armor pounded on the door of their fine house, yelling that they had a warrant for Gerhard’s arrest. Gerhard and Lizbet had to slip out through the scullery entrance and make off on a horse that Gerhard said was a “friend’s,” but Lizbet was pretty sure they were stealing.

  Bad luck, Gerhard explained, shaking his head and clucking his tongue. Misadventures. Poor timing.

  They fled to Zwandt. From Zwandt to Pforzenhausen. To Zoltwice. To Padz. Lizbet learned her lesson. She stopped having friends. Having friends just meant enduring the pain of losing them, again and again. Her only friends were her dolls, her father, and her God, to whom Lizbet prayed that Gerhard might someday prosper, and that she might live in one town all her life, like a normal girl.

  God was always friendly and sounded sympathetic, but He just didn’t get what being a “normal girl” meant. He liked to ramble on about about fasting. Or martyrdom. Had Lizbet ever considered becoming an anchoress, He asked?

  “A what?”

  An anchoress, God explained, was someone who let herself be walled up in a cubbyhole in some church for her entire life, with nothing to do but pray all day long. It was like solitary confinement, except that you hadn’t done anything to deserve it.

  It was the absolute opposite of being a normal girl.

  Each time Lizbet and her father made their home in a new town, it wasn’t long before they had to flee again. Each time Gerhard had a new excuse. Every year Lizbet grew more lonely.

  The year Lizbet was fourteen years old, they settled in Abalia, in the farthest east of the Holy Roman Empire, beneath the snow-capped peaks of the Montagnes du Monde, the highest mountains in the world. No one knew what lay beyond the Montagnes.

  This surely must be the edge of the world, Lizbet thought. We have to stay here. We have to, because there’s nowhere further to go.

  But one day, after they had lived in Abalia for almost a year, disaster struck.

  At some point during Lizbet’s afternoon classes, it began to rain mice.

  The mice may have started falling during the last half of “Realms Despoiled on Account of the Uterine Fury” or the first part of “Economic Geography of the Saracen Kingdoms.” While Dame Mother Pallidum’s nasal voice enumerated the principal rivers of the Caliphate of Andalusia, Lizbet noticed that Bruno, in the seat just ahead of hers, was staring out the window with unusual intensity. He’d better pay attention to Pally soon, Lizbet thought, or Pally’s Rod of Chastening will get busy.

  Brigitte, two seats over and a row ahead, also had her head turned to the window. And Robin in front of her.

  The Dame Mother’s voice stuttered to a halt. She turned her gaze to the window and stared.

  Things were falling past the window, larger than snowflakes, and darker, and it was too warm for snow in April, anyway. One falling object landed on the sill, put its forelegs up against the glass, and wiggled its pink nose.

  A mouse.

  Another came behind it, and another, and another, until the sill outside the window was piled high with mice, black, white, fawn and dappled, wiggling their tails and their curious noses, tumbling over each other, falling off the sill to the ground. Teacher and class watched in silence.

  Lizbet climbed onto her chair and stood on tiptoe to see out the window. She was a thin, pale girl on whom adults always felt they had to urge second helpings at the supper table. Her hair was straight and square cut, her features narrow and precise. In her black school gown and white pinafore, dark hair and pale face, she resembled a handful of ebony and ivory keys fashioned for some celestial piano, but omitted by an absentminded angel.

  One by one, every student in the room turned their gaze from the mice to Lizbet, standing alone on her chair. Liz
bet ignored them. In her fourteen years, she had lived in a dozen cities in five nations. Lizbet was always the stranger, always the foreigner. Because no one made things easy for her, she had learned boldness beyond her years: she went where she liked, demanded her due, and was not afraid to elbow her way to the front of a crowd. In her secret heart, loneliness tugged at her, and love for her ne’er-do-well father, and piety to God. But in standing up to the world of suspicious strangers into which life had dropped her, Lizbet was a lion in petticoats.

  She squinted into the bright light from outside. The school grounds already were covered with a heaving, squirming blanket of millions and millions of mice. She knew what all the other students were thinking. They thought it was her father’s fault.

  It was always her father’s fault.

  Never satisfied with the modest rewards of honest labor, Gerhard Lenz spent his lifetime peddling harebrained moneymaking schemes, disastrous alchemy recipes, quack medicines, and other frauds and follies across the breadth of the Holy Roman Empire, from West Francia to Dalmatia to the Hansa to the eastern reaches of the Abalian Pale. Here, in Abalia, Gerhard had declared himself a magician. He had wormed himself into the favor of Abalia’s ruler, the Margrave Hengest Wolftrow. As always, he had been unable to make good on his boasts. His career had been one magical mishap after another. None, though, had been half as bad as this.

  A blizzard of mice, blanketing the landscape. There would be such an uproar. Once again, Gerhard’s endless schemes and deals and plans had led to disaster. Once again, they would have to flee.

  Lizbet looked around at the silent classroom of narrowed eyes and disapproving lips. Why can’t things stay the same? she cried silently to herself. Why can’t I just live in one town for always, like a normal girl?

  “What?” she said, loudly, fiercely, to the accusing eyes and mouths, daring them to challenge her. “What is it? Why are you staring?” They all turned away.

  Mice continued to rain from the sky.

  When the cathedral bells rang five o’clock and school let out, the streets of Abalia were still lively with mice. Squeaks filled the air and echoed off the buildings, along with the shouts and curses of hundreds of human mouse hunters. Official sorts of men dashed hither and thither: vergers, prebendaries, rectors, prelates, and sextons from the cathedral, marshals-of-the-peace from the Provost’s office, pudding-faced inquisitors from the fearful chambers of the Morals Proctor, black-hooded torturers and scrofulous gaolers from the Houses of Correction. All had been pressed into service in the campaign against the mice.

  A beadle in great coat and top hat led the schoolchildren home through the dim canyons of Abalia’s twisty streets. First the boys, two abreast, in black coats and trousers, stiff white shirts, and floppy black velvet ties. Then the girls, distaff copies of the boys in white pinafores over ankle-length black gowns. Behind the last of the children hobbled an ancient beldame, nose and spine as crooked as a root, whose job it was to cuff any stragglers back into line.

  The children’s march homeward quickly became a rout. Torrents of mice washed over the children’s shoes and tried to run up the boys’ trousers and the girls’ stockings. Boys and girls shrieked and danced about, brushing the mice off themselves. Sextons ran up and down the street, beating at the mice with their shovels. Soldiers fired off their muskets and blunderbusses. Inquisitors flogged fleeing mice with barbed cat-o’-nine-tails. Prelates stood on doorsteps delivering sermons against the mice.

  The humans had help from another source. Abalia’s goblins were everywhere, waddling about, grabbing up mice and shoving them into their mouths. They came a little higher than Lizbet’s waist, and were as wide across as they were tall. Their round bellies never seemed to fill, but only grew larger until they dragged on the ground and the belly’s owner had to support it with one hand as he walked, continuing to drop luckless mice into his mouth with the other.

  Lizbet shuddered. Goblins. Horrid piebald skin, hairy, floppy pig ears, mouths as big as buckets.

  Goblins were despised by everyone. The night watchmen killed them on sight, because goblins ate anything that moved, cats, dogs, poultry, even snacking on unwatched infants. During the day, they hid in sewers and sour basements, and ventured forth only after dark. But the promise of a cornucopia of mice was apparently enough to make even a craven goblin brave the daylight.

  Ever since she was very small, Lizbet had suffered nightmares of falling into a goblin sewer. In her dream, the sewer was a bottomless ocean of stinky, hairy goblins. Her body sank through the goblins as if through water. Deeper and deeper she sank, farther and farther from the surface of the earth. As she plunged downward, the goblins’ twisty, clever fingers and flappy lips touched everywhere on her body. When the horror became unbearable, she screamed, and woke up.

  The street was pandemonium. Vergers, gaolers, soldiers, and goblins pushed their way through the children in pursuit of mice. The children broke ranks, shrieking and frantically brushing mice off themselves. Lizbet waited until the eyes of the beadle and beldame were elsewhere. Then she hiked up her gown and petticoats and dashed away into a side alley.

  She needed to get home. She guessed that her father would already be packing up their possessions and preparing to flee. Although, where could they possibly go?

  As she ran out of the alley’s top end, she nearly collided with a goblin gang that was rambling up the Boulevard of Slaughtered Saints, eating their way through the mice as they went. Lizbet gasped, and started back.

  The biggest goblin snorted. “Lilywackin’ lubgubler slumlickin’ pootz!” he spat out through fleshy, wet lips.

  Lizbet’s urgency overpowered her fear. “Oh, stuff it,” she snapped. She pushed her way through the goblins and ran up the Boulevard. Derisive laughter and vulgar noises followed her.

  Three blocks farther, past the Streets of St. Simon (shot with arrows by Arians) and St. James of Antioch (mangled by Manicheans), up the Street of St. Therese (fricasseed by Frisians). Poor Therese had actually been more boiled than fricasseed, but the alliteration helped Lizbet remember her.

  Lizbet’s spirits lifted as she neared the neighborhood of Little Diligence, where her father rented a house. All afternoon, since the mice started falling, she had been thinking about their imminent escape. Which clothes, books, and keepsakes could she pack? Which must she leave behind?

  These thoughts steadied her mind. By the time Lizbet arrived at her house, she was halfway to putting Abalia behind her. Having a plan, Lizbet thought, helped put you in control of a crisis and ease the fear of an unknown future.

  However, as military men say, no plan survives contact with the enemy.

  In the falling dusk, Lizbet saw the group of soldiers milling about in front of her house. More mouse hunters? As she approached, the front door opened, and two burly soldiers emerged.

  Between them came Lizbet’s father in his magician’s robes. He stumbled as he walked. Iron shackles clanked at his ankles and wrists.

  In an instant, all of Lizbet’s plans collapsed. Her heart skipped. “Father!” she yelled.

  Gerhard Lenz’s head jerked about. His eyes sought her. “Lizbet?” he called.

  “Silence!” one of the soldiers barked, and hit Gerhard with his baton. Gerhard grunted in pain.

  “Stop it!” Lizbet cried. She tried to push though crowd of gray uniforms, toward her father.

  Muscled arms held her back, meaty hands pinned her wrists behind her. She struggled helplessly. “Don’t hurt him!” she yelled.

  “Who’s this girl?” one man asked. He had a face something like a weasel and something like a pickaxe. He wore a captain’s insignia.

  “That’s my father,” Lizbet said. “What are you doing to him? Why is he in chains?” She thought she knew, but desperately hoped to hear otherwise.

  “Your father’s under arrest, by order of the Margrave,” the captain said. “He made
all these mice, y’see?”

  “Please understand, it was an accident,” Gerhard Lenz said. His voice trembled. “My spell went wrong. I was, I was trying to make a rain of gold. It’s what the Margrave wanted. I don’t know why it didn’t work. I, I could try to cast a rain of cats. D’you think? That might help.”

  “Ever occur to you to cast a rain of common sense instead?” the captain said. “The Margrave don’t want the town covered in cats neither. Little girl, stand back.”

  The soldiers holding Lizbet shoved her to the ground. Others pushed her father down the street. His leg shackles nearly tripped him, and he staggered to keep his balance.

  “I’ll go with him,” Lizbet said. She struggled to her feet.

  “You can’t go with him,” the captain said. “He’s bound for the Houses of Correction.”

  The Houses of Correction. Chilly stone cells. Manacles. Rats. Filth. Torture if you didn’t tell the magisters what they wanted to hear, flogging or hanging if you did. Lizbet’s chest squeezed so tight she couldn’t breathe. “I’m still going with him,” she insisted.

  “Go back in your house and wait for your mother,” the captain said. “If she wants your daddy free, let her go beg the Margrave tomorrow.”

  “I don’t have a mother,” Lizbet said, forcing herself not to cry. “My father’s all I’ve got. If you’re putting him in a dirty cold cell, put me in one too.”

  The captain stared at her for a moment. He scratched the stubble on his chin with grubby fingers. “That might be for the best,” he said. “Only not the same cell as your daddy’s. One at the Orphan Asylum instead.”

  “What?!” The Orphan Asylum was little better than the Houses of Correction for children.

  “Missy, you’re an orphan now, looking at this situation after a certain fashion. Certainwise your father can’t father to you. How old are you, anyways?”

  Lizbet didn’t want to say she was only fourteen. She was pretty sure they wouldn’t let someone her age live alone.

  “I don’t need to go to the Orphan’s Asylum,” she said. “My uncle will take care of me.”

  “Eh? Uncle?”